Yes, I have lost that much weight. But I'm not happy.

I need to lose more, if feel failed and pathetic. I want to be thin so badly, then I'll be happy. I have decided to up my calorie intake and workout more when I can, like jogging, cycling etc.

I really want to get to 130Ibs soon.

Or else I'll kill myself. Seriously.

Wow seriously?

I get home, worked for 9 and a half straight hours, I'm depressed, upset and tired. All my boyfriend can do is be a retard, poking fun of me, calling me emo etc etc

How annoying.

I was really hungry, I go to make myself something to eat so I get the baby spinach out of the fridge and begin boiling some water.

My boyfriend approaches and watches me put the spinach (which already weighed and calorie counted) into the hot water. He looks at me... "Portion size Kyomi, that is too big"...

IT'S FUCKING 78 CALORIES WORTH OF SPINACH IN TWO BAGS!!! ARE YOU STUPID?

"I'm going to get to my goal weight before you" I could see the smug look in his eyes, looking up and down me like to say "you fat cow"

I feel ashamed!

I haven't posted blogged or anything for so long, I feel ashamed!

I have managed to get to 148Ib but I was 140Ib! I gain 8Ibs! I feel utterly discussing! I just want to rip the fat of my body and burn it all away! Watch it fade away, watch it melt! But now, after days of binge eating and loss of control, I have resorted to blogging as my only foot hold back to anas grips.

I feel her telling me "You're fat, nothing but fat" I can feel myself getting more and more depressed, I have let myself go. Lack of exercise and more eating, munching like a fat cow!

I don't deserve to eat.

Taking it easyyyyyyyyyyy!

Oh yes, today has been one of those pretty awesome days where I just love to chill out and have a laugh, I have been good on my diet. 1 apple, 1 orange and mixed vegetables with soup ^-^ Nom nom nom such lovely goodness.

I am watching some silly war film with my boyfriend, but its so stupid. I mean, once you have watched one war film you have watched them all.

Oh good news, someone actually noticed my weight loss. They were like "Shit you have lost loads of weight" Cool, I want to lose alot more. "Oh no you don't need to, you look great as it is" << I think you need your eyes checking mate.

I weighed myself!

I know I was ment to wait until a months time but I just couldn't help it.

I poppped on the scales naked and I have lost weight ^-^

I went from nearly 150 to 142 Ibs. I am so proud of myself.

Tommorow me and my partner are going out for a meal with his brother to a all you can eat, I am glad I know it serves veggies or else I wouldn't go. This is a great way to show how motivated I am to lose this weight.

I have been to the Dr's because my hair is falling out, they think I have alepesha so I have to go for blood tests on Monday which I hate because I get really faint. Also I have to have sugar so I must eat fruit because without it I would faint to the floor.

I am pretty bervous about this job I have gained which I will be part of on Monday, I just hope it all goes well.

Till then readers.

Yay!

I am so happy, I have decided to count the calories of todays meal and it added up to 504 calories, and I feel full up. I am shocked that I can eat so little and feel so full and good about myself. I don't want to go in the fridge and raid!

So if anyone wants to get a good approx of their calorie intake the website is www.livestrong.com

Gained weight?

I feel like I have gained weight, only because I have recently found a job and went out AND BROKE MY DIET.

Yes, I ate sushi and alot of it and broke my diet. All I can think it tommorow is another day, and I broke it yesterday, but since then I went to the doctor about my headaches, apparently there was a bug going around and he gave me pills, my headaches are still there but a hell of alot better. I feel so much better about myself.

The diet has made my skin feel and look better, I haven't drank anything but water. So i am still pleased with myself, I just need to not think of my failiure and learn from my mistakes.

I got some diet pills to stop myself getting hungry, seems to be working, also drinking alot of water seems to be a help also. I might have gained weight through water but I stupidly weighed myself just after I ate and drank like 2 pints of water so no wonder I have gained, my physical appearance doesn't seem any different, but so much for not weighing myself for a month.

My boyfriend is eating stuff right now and it smells horrible. But I can easily stick to the vegetable and fruit only diet. I saw that there were brownies in a container which I made not long ago. I did not touch them.

Also today I ate an apple, soup and some vegetables with soya on them.

I also watched something about carbs on my computer, and since I have cut out all carbs this diet should work.