Yes, I have lost that much weight. But I'm not happy.

I need to lose more, if feel failed and pathetic. I want to be thin so badly, then I'll be happy. I have decided to up my calorie intake and workout more when I can, like jogging, cycling etc.

I really want to get to 130Ibs soon.

Or else I'll kill myself. Seriously.

Wow seriously?

I get home, worked for 9 and a half straight hours, I'm depressed, upset and tired. All my boyfriend can do is be a retard, poking fun of me, calling me emo etc etc

How annoying.

I was really hungry, I go to make myself something to eat so I get the baby spinach out of the fridge and begin boiling some water.

My boyfriend approaches and watches me put the spinach (which already weighed and calorie counted) into the hot water. He looks at me... "Portion size Kyomi, that is too big"...

IT'S FUCKING 78 CALORIES WORTH OF SPINACH IN TWO BAGS!!! ARE YOU STUPID?

"I'm going to get to my goal weight before you" I could see the smug look in his eyes, looking up and down me like to say "you fat cow"

I feel ashamed!

I haven't posted blogged or anything for so long, I feel ashamed!

I have managed to get to 148Ib but I was 140Ib! I gain 8Ibs! I feel utterly discussing! I just want to rip the fat of my body and burn it all away! Watch it fade away, watch it melt! But now, after days of binge eating and loss of control, I have resorted to blogging as my only foot hold back to anas grips.

I feel her telling me "You're fat, nothing but fat" I can feel myself getting more and more depressed, I have let myself go. Lack of exercise and more eating, munching like a fat cow!

I don't deserve to eat.